Friday, August 13, 2010

Post One: Introductions

Bernell Selders Jr. #107622
N.L.C.I., P.O. BOX 4000

Dear Brothers Keeper,
My name is Bernell Selders Jr. #107622. I am age 45, and I am a black male. I've been incarcerated since 1989, for a crime I never committed. In May of 1989 I met a woman on the city bus in Milwaukee Wisconsin. Over the next two weeks we had the beginnings of a nice relationship. Sex was involved drinking and some weed smoking. On June 2nd, 1989 I went to her apartment and was greeted by Kelly jumping on my back as I walked through the door of her hallway on the floor she lived on. When we got to her apartment I noticed the strong smell of incense. She walked me straight to her bedroom and push me onto her bed. We began kissing and feeling on one another for a few minutes, until someone came and knocked on her bedroom door, which startled me because I didn't know someone else was there. This young lady who happen to be black stuck her head into the room and said to Kelly to come on, then Kelly jumped up off me and said she'd be right back, and left the bedroom. After I wasn't excited anymore, I walked out into the living room where I noticed the smell of cocaine being smoked. Coming up from the hood I'm from your exposed to a lot of things and nothing really shocks you. But I must say, when I walked into her diningroom and seen Kelly standing there with a glass pipe up to her mouth, really shocked me. She tried to hide it behind her back when she looked up and saw me looking at her. So I played it off and ask her where the phonebook was so I could order a pizza. Picking up the book from the table in her diningroom I went and sat on the couch and ordered a pizza. I walked back to her bedroom to get the beer I purchase before going to her apartment. I sat back on the couch and open me a beer while they did what they were doing in the kitchen. After about five minutes the black woman came out the kitchen and said hello and that her name was Kim and introduce myself and she lift. Kelly came out the kitchen looking like she was tweeking.(eyes bucked out from the cocain)... I could tell she was embarrass. I said to her that, that stuff ain't good for you, of which she answered that she only did (it a few times because it was kim birthday. I left it at that because I knew it would be my last time messing with her after that. But me being a man figured I'd gone and stay to hit it one more time. (Have sex with her)...
We watched t.v. and listen to some music until the pizza came. We ate the pizza and drank the beer. I never been one to be able to drink without having to use the bathroom, so I went to the bathroom a few times. The last time I come out from using the bathroom Kelly was on the phone and I heard her say. (Knall I'll come over there. So I ask her what was up and she said she had to go somewhere. So I said forget it, I'll go over my son mother house then, and she walked me to the door like she was in a hurry. As I left her apartment building I decide to go to the store right across the street to get some cigarettes and once I open my pouch. (A leather bag you wear around your waist). I notice right away that my money was messed with because it was just shoved in there and that's not how I kept it. I notice that fifty dollars was missing after counting it, so after paying for my ciggarettes I ran out the store headed back to Kelly's place. As I got to the corner I saw her coming out the side door of her apartment building, so I ran towards her and when she saw me coming she tried to run back to the door but it had closed, so she went running along the side of the building towards it's back. I caught up to her and tripped her. At this point I was standing over her out of breathe, bent over with my hands on my knees. As I struggled to get out the words, "where the F_K is my money?" She tried to kick me in nuts, which is when I hit her in the face. I then grabbed her off the ground say, "Give me my money you stole from me." As I was walking her back down to the light by the door so I could search her. As we got closer to the door I saw my money on the grass. She had dropped it when she started to run. I had her by her cloths pulling her. Once I saw my money I bend down and picked it up and I smashed it into her face saying, "What is this Bitch? Pushing her up against the building bumping her head. I could’ve had her by her neck at this point but I don't remember. Anyway, I let her go and as she started to leave she stated she was gonna get me, and then ran off. I went over my baby momma sisters apartment where her and my son was living and where I stayed sometimes myself.

The next day I went to Denver Co. because this other woman I was seeing had recently moved there after claiming she was having baby by me and claiming she was having complications. Of which I had made plan a week prior.

Kelly, who happens to be a white female claimed she just met me on June 2nd. and that she never knew me before that day. I lost a set of keys to my baby mothers sister apartment two weeks prior to June 2nd. and they was found on the headboard of kelly's bed, but that was over looked. She stated I trashed her apartment looking for money and whatever else I could steal. But yet my fingerprints was only found on a ashtray and beer bottle, but I empty all her dresser drawers all over her room and after that day she claim to have never went back there. But when the police took pictures of her apartment nothing was out of place in the whole apartment. Her statement on the police report was that, I had a butter knife at her throat and I forced her to have sexual intercourse, Penis to vagina with me, then I made perform the act of penis to mouth, and that ejaculated inside of her. Then at the preliminary hearing that they gave me after the lost juridiction over me by not giving me a preliminary hearing within 20 working days because I was in custody with a $50,000 bail that I couldn't afford. She stated that I now had two knives and that I first made her perform penis to mouth first and then penis to vagina and then I force her back into her bedroom and repeated both acts on her in her bedroom. After that I took her money out her purse and other items. Then I stated I wanted her to take me to her cash machine to get all her money. As we was leaving her apartment I had the knife up to her throat with my arms wrapped around her and that we both fell down the stairs and all this time the knife was at her throat but she never got cut. Once we were on the sidewalk she broke away from me and ran into traffic.
That four black ladies picked her up and took her to the police station. Once at the station, one of the ladies went inside and got a police officer and he came out to the car and help her into the station. But there was no police that came forward saying they helped any woman into the station claiming to be raped. Per sergeant working that day. And no statement from any black ladies that she said took her there, no nothing. In fact, A police officer came and stated on the stand that she was just sitting there on a bench.
They took a rape kit on her and no semen was found on nothing or inside of her. She claimed I hit her so many times with a close fist that she lost count, but her face only had slight scratches on it. I am a professional Boxer. Her own sister get on the stand and say Kelly told her that two black ladies picked her up and took her to the police station. At the Jury trial Kelly stated now that I had a hand full of knives all that time. My brother worked 3rd shift and he would sleep from about 4:00p.m til about 10:00p.m. before he have to go to work. Kelly would call me 5 to 10 times a day waking my brother Corey up for two weeks but she say she just met me on the 2nd of June. My God sister that lived with us talked with her numerous times and so did my mother, but again she claim to have only known me that day. The bus driver that knew me even stated that we was on his bus a number of times together.
I was charged with 5 charges. 1-count of 1st. degree sexual assault penis to vagina livingroom) (1-count of penis to mouth livingroom (And the same two charges in the bedroom, and 1-count of armed robbery.
After a long time the jury came out with a question for the judge. The question was. (What happens if we came to verdicts on three of the charges but just can't agree on two? The judge said they would have to stay there until they all agree. Ten minutes later they reached a verdict on all charges.
As you can figure I was found not guilty of three of the charges and guilty of two. They found me guilty of penis to vagina and not guilty of penis to mouth in livingroom. They found me guilty of penis to vagina and not guilty to penis to mouth in bedroom, and then not guilty of armed robbery. The State added on habitual to each charge because I had a felony within five years of each other. Each charge carries 20 years and with addition of habitual that adds half of what your charge carry, so the judge sentence me to 30 and 30 running wild. I have now served almost 21 years for a crime that not only I didn't do but that never happen. I was a young poor black man accused of raping a white woman in Wisconsin.

In 1990 my appeal attorney came to see me and he was drunk as all outdoors. Just reeking of alcohol. After the attorney visit that correctional officer reported the situation to the administation and the next thing I knew was all my transcripts was sent to me from that attorney and the public defender office refused to issue me another attorney. So for 21 years I've been praying that God send me someone to help me. I have seen parole two times and I'm about to see them for the third time July 21, 2010. They want me to take a sex offender treatment program, and after meeting someone special and the fact that this is a program that the parole board say I have to take in order for them to be able to grant me my freedom and after talking with my family and now grown children, but moreover, I'm plane tired of being sick and tired. I Have to go into that program and admit to something I know I didn't do, and then If I'm ever granted my freedom I have to be labeled a sex offender. My family tell me to do what I have to in order to come home, but they don't understand my plight. Over the years I have prayed that God gives me the heart to forgive and he has. I don't hate anyone and I know that I'm no saint and that yes I've done my share of wrong, but in order for god to forgive me, I to must forgive. So I say to you that has read this, forgiveness sometime starts
in ones own heart and then just maybe the world will join in.

If there is anyone in the position to help me I have copies of my transcript, but the state has destroyed all the evidence in my case, even after the judge ordered the state to keep them.
You may write to me directly at: Bernell Selders Jr. #107622
N.L.C.I., P.O. BOX 4000, NEW LISBON WISC. 53950

I will up date if I'm ever moved to another Institution and
you may go through MISS Peggy Swan
Thank you for reading my story God bless.
Bernell Selders Jr.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

post two:Trying to play the game

July 26, 2010
Greeting to,
My Brothers Keeper,

For anyone who may have read my last blog. I hope all is well with you and yours. Since the last time I blogged on I have been to the Parole Board. Now known as the Early release Committee. I was given a 24 month defer. Which means there is no way of my getting out within this 24 months, and then, when I go back infront of the E.R.C. I will end up getting another 24 month defer. This is my third time going infront of them, and all they tell me is. Keep on with the good behavior, see you in two years. I wish I could express my feeling to you, but I don't know how. In September I'll have 21 years in on a 30 and 30 year sentence, running wild, which means, one after another. So although I'm eligible to be released, legally they can keep me til my M.R. (Mandatory Release) which happens to not be until 2030.

The last time I went infront of the E.R.C. they told me, look you have in a lot of time already, but because I refuse to take a sexual assault program they (E.R.C.) can't give me a grant. The way I see it is. I didn't rape Kelly so I'm not gonna take any program where one have to admit to the crime of which you are incarcerated for. After talking with my family and friend they all feel, I've done the time already, so now do what I have to to be able to get my grant. So after so much praying and soul searching, and being tired of being sick and tired I decided to gone and tell them what they wanted to hear, if it meant me being able to go home to my family. Understand me though, I've never felt such pain in my heart to know that I have to admit to something I know I didn't do. I finally said I'll gone and take the program so E.R.C. gave me their backing their endorsement and then when I went to Program review Committee, they also gave my their endorsement and sent me here to New Lisbon Corr Inst. where they have the program. Once here, I started asking my social worker when would I be placed into the program. I was told in the next class. So I let my family know this information.

I kept asking when will the next program start and they began giving me the run around, so I had my family get in touch with Alderman's and the head of E.R.C. and let them know that nothing was being done by the ones running the program here, A Dr. Wild and Dr. Frodine. I went to each of them personally and at first they both was telling me to be patient I'd be in the next class. When I found out when the next program was starting I went to them to make sure I’d be in it. They began to give me the run around again, so I began complaining to the administration and had my family complaining as well. Then one day they come to me saying because my crime happened so long ago, they wanted to re-evaluate me, so they gave me a test with about 40 questions on it asking questions as such. Would it be alright for a grown man to touch a child in their private area? Sometimes, never, or it's ok. Of course I answered Never, well at the end of the test I was told they would send me my evaluation. Two weeks later, They sent me a piece of paper saying they felt I needed a level 4 program for extremly sick people. They don't even carry the level 4 program here so they would have to transfer me some place that have the program. So I put in for early P.R.C. to be moved to where they have the program and was turned down. My regular time to see P.R.C. is November. But now they are saying since my M.R. isn't until 2030 they can take their time sending me to where the program is. They don't care that I'm eligible for parole. That means nothing to these people. Nor the fact that I have served 21 years.

These are the things that happen to you if you try and fight for yourself. In here you have no rights whatsoever. They can treat you any way they want to. If we complain to too many people on the out side world they find minor reasons to lock us up in the hole. Imagine being locked in your 7 foot by 12 foot bathroom with the toilet and sink but instead of the bathtub you have a bed of concrete about the same size as you tub, 2 sheets and a wool blanket. You have to be locked in there for 23 hours a day for up to a year. You get 1 hour of walking in a 24-24 foot outside area called recreation, walking in circle or doing push up's or sit up's. We will get 3 showers a week and thats it. No t.v.'s or radios.

It's because of beautiful people like Peggy Swan that gives men like myself a platform to tell our side of the story in hope that someone would just take the time to stop and listen. I often ask myself who's gonna cry for this little boy, I guess I'll have to cry for myself.

I'll be writing on my blog every week if I'm able telling you about the many experiences including when guards sexually assaulted me with a shampoo bottle while in a C.C.A. prison in 1998 when sent to whiteville Corr. Inst. Because of over crowded prisons here in Wisconsin.

So tune in in the next few weeks. If you would like to get in touch with me personally you may contact me at:
Bernell Selders Jr. #107622,
P.O. Box 4000,
New Lisbon, Wise. 53950
I'm looking for someone that is willing to help me get my case back into court to prove my innocence. God Bless You.
Bernell Selders Jr.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Post three:Tennessee Ordeal

Aug. 5th. 2010
Dear Brother's Keeper,
I left off last week, saying I would speak on what happen to me while I was incarcerated down in Whiteville, Tn. In 1998 Wisconsin was experiencing an over crowded prison system. So Wisconsin began sending many of the inmates to Tennessee and other private prison's own and operated by (C.C.A.) Correctional corp. of America. Arriving there it was a place unlike anyplace we as inmates and convicts could ever hope for. It was ran so different from how the Wisconsin prison's were being ran. For one, it was ran by 85% black guards, something that Wisconsin lack totally. Out of the 21 years I've been locked up I can say that I've only seen maybe five black correctional officers in the Wisconsin prison systems. So being a black male when we seen all the black men and women with guard uniforms on it was a sight for sore eyes. Within two or three days of being at the hardermen correctional institution, many of the black inmate were having sex with the black female guard, many in the age of around 19 to 35 years of age, many with family waiting on them to get off work and come home. Some of the female guards had 2 and 3 inmates they were having sex with everyday. You had female health care worker saling head-jobs and straight sex to the inmates that could produce money, which wasn't too hard to do. There were a lot of guards male and females bringing pounds and pounds of weed into the institution to give and sale to the inmates. You had cocaine and crack in there as if it was the streets. The white inmates hated it down there, because for their first time they felt what it was like to have guards discriminate against them like the white guards in Wisconsin discriminat against the black inmats. Many of the snitches found themselves getting a beat down by people they may of told on at one time or another. The gangs ran the prison from the very first day of arriving there. Many of the guards were also gang members. The Wisconsin inmates were there at the Hardermen facility right along with the Tennessee inmates and the Indiana inmates, which cause for some pretty crazy times.

While in that environment you either was a G.D. (Gangster Disciple) or V.L. (Vicelord). I happen to be in the first group mentioned. I would say more out of necessity. Like I said you had to be with someone, or at any minute your property could be taken or even worst, you could be the subject of a major ass kick'en.
The newtrons treaded on thin ice there. (Newtron)- A person not with any of the gangs.
Then you had the whites that tried to put together a weak showing of unity by claiming to be A.N. (Aryan Nation).. But when you have roughly 200 G.D.'s and about 120 V.L.'s a group of about 30 A.N.'s just don't match up so they kept to themself and real quiet.
After six months at Hardermen, all the Wisconsin inmates was told that we would be moving over to Whiteville Corr. Inst. which was a half of mile away and it would house only Wisconsin inmates. Upon arriving there it was real nice to not have to deal with the Tn. and Indiana inmates anymore. Everything was running real smooth there for about two months, then some G.D.'s was out at recreation one day and the guard had been at that point giving us a hard time. While in the rec building, about 7 or 8 G.D.'S cornered a new white male guard who never done anything to anyone, and they began to beat him, one of the inmate named Big G. grabbed a weight bar and hit the guard in the head. They left the guard laying in his pool of blood and left the rec yard. Once the guard was found by staff the whole prison went on lockdown. Internal affairs and the police got involed, and they began talking to each and every inmate. Everyone stayed locked in their cell for three days, and that's when they began wearing riot gear and having the shields. They began getting G.D.'s and taking them to the hole. Over the next three days at lease 50 people was walked to the hole in just their underwear and I was one of them. I wasn't out there, so I really didn't know what had happen until we all was in the hole and we was talking to one another out the trap door in our cell door. That's when I learned the whole story. But what I didn't know was that my name was being put in the story that happened to the guard, as the one who hit him with the weight bar, and I wasn't even out there. What happen was, my nickname was being confused with this other inmate. My nickname is Bingo, and the dude that hit him with the bar was Big G. So what happen was two weeks later, the Warden had some real life K.K.K. sort team members come into the institution and act like they wanted to search the cell I was in. They strip search me and handcuffed my hands behind my back and put cuff on my ankles. Once the door was opened they ran in on me and began beating me and stunning me with stun guns and stunsheild, and hitting me with billy clubs and kicking me all in my face, ribs, back and private parts they slammed my face into the wall knocking out all my front teeth and they did all this while 50 inmate, the warden, asst. warden and the chief of security all watched, then they drug me back to the cell after urinating all over my property and threw me back into the cell and went and beat someone else. They then came back to my cell and two of them came into my cell and beat me some more and then they held me down and rammed a shampoo bottle up my rectum, and they knocked me out and left me in the middle of the cell with a bottle up my rectum where the nurse came and found me. They didn't give me any kind of medical help at all. I suffered broken ribs of which I had to wrap sheets around them. A black guard brought a phone to me and told me to call my family about two weeks later. My bother and friend Vicki began calling every body they could, represent¬atives of Wisconsin Gwendlyn Moore Spencer cogg and scott walker made a trip down to whiteville to see me personally after Wise sent a prob team down, but they was helping C.C.A. cover up what they did to me. Rep. Moore, Coggs and Walker came back and told the truth about what they did to me. The I got Attorneys and they got the F.B.I involved and the truth came out the warden asst warder and chief of security was arrested and walked out the prison in handcuffs. None of the sort team members was ever charged with anything. I found out that the warden was given another warden job in florida. Well, after finding out that it wasn't me that did that to the guard, they found out who the 8 inmates were and all 8 went on trial for attempted murder and all 8 was found not guilty. Just for the record. If feel what they did to that guard was 100% wrong and if I would have been there I would have done everything in my power to have stop it even before it happen. From that day foreward, I have not been a part of any gang. After finding out it wasn't me Wisconsin had C.C.A. keep me locked up in the hole on administrated confinement for 3 years, all because they didn't want me back in Wisconsin while the story was so fresh. Although I was able to sue C.C.A., Wisconsin got off scott free. After paying my child support and helping my family, I was left with nothing to hire an attorney with. I would never talk bad about my family, but if I had the chance to do over, I would hire an attorney first before helping anyone, That was a lesson I learned. Help yourself first. In the words of Forest Gump. "That's all I have to say about that." I remain.
May God Bless those that read this.