July 26, 2010
My Brothers Keeper,
For anyone who may have read my last blog. I hope all is well with you and yours. Since the last time I blogged on I have been to the Parole Board. Now known as the Early release Committee. I was given a 24 month defer. Which means there is no way of my getting out within this 24 months, and then, when I go back infront of the E.R.C. I will end up getting another 24 month defer. This is my third time going infront of them, and all they tell me is. Keep on with the good behavior, see you in two years. I wish I could express my feeling to you, but I don't know how. In September I'll have 21 years in on a 30 and 30 year sentence, running wild, which means, one after another. So although I'm eligible to be released, legally they can keep me til my M.R. (Mandatory Release) which happens to not be until 2030.
The last time I went infront of the E.R.C. they told me, look you have in a lot of time already, but because I refuse to take a sexual assault program they (E.R.C.) can't give me a grant. The way I see it is. I didn't rape Kelly so I'm not gonna take any program where one have to admit to the crime of which you are incarcerated for. After talking with my family and friend they all feel, I've done the time already, so now do what I have to to be able to get my grant. So after so much praying and soul searching, and being tired of being sick and tired I decided to gone and tell them what they wanted to hear, if it meant me being able to go home to my family. Understand me though, I've never felt such pain in my heart to know that I have to admit to something I know I didn't do. I finally said I'll gone and take the program so E.R.C. gave me their backing their endorsement and then when I went to Program review Committee, they also gave my their endorsement and sent me here to New Lisbon Corr Inst. where they have the program. Once here, I started asking my social worker when would I be placed into the program. I was told in the next class. So I let my family know this information.
I kept asking when will the next program start and they began giving me the run around, so I had my family get in touch with Alderman's and the head of E.R.C. and let them know that nothing was being done by the ones running the program here, A Dr. Wild and Dr. Frodine. I went to each of them personally and at first they both was telling me to be patient I'd be in the next class. When I found out when the next program was starting I went to them to make sure I’d be in it. They began to give me the run around again, so I began complaining to the administration and had my family complaining as well. Then one day they come to me saying because my crime happened so long ago, they wanted to re-evaluate me, so they gave me a test with about 40 questions on it asking questions as such. Would it be alright for a grown man to touch a child in their private area? Sometimes, never, or it's ok. Of course I answered Never, well at the end of the test I was told they would send me my evaluation. Two weeks later, They sent me a piece of paper saying they felt I needed a level 4 program for extremly sick people. They don't even carry the level 4 program here so they would have to transfer me some place that have the program. So I put in for early P.R.C. to be moved to where they have the program and was turned down. My regular time to see P.R.C. is November. But now they are saying since my M.R. isn't until 2030 they can take their time sending me to where the program is. They don't care that I'm eligible for parole. That means nothing to these people. Nor the fact that I have served 21 years.
These are the things that happen to you if you try and fight for yourself. In here you have no rights whatsoever. They can treat you any way they want to. If we complain to too many people on the out side world they find minor reasons to lock us up in the hole. Imagine being locked in your 7 foot by 12 foot bathroom with the toilet and sink but instead of the bathtub you have a bed of concrete about the same size as you tub, 2 sheets and a wool blanket. You have to be locked in there for 23 hours a day for up to a year. You get 1 hour of walking in a 24-24 foot outside area called recreation, walking in circle or doing push up's or sit up's. We will get 3 showers a week and thats it. No t.v.'s or radios.
It's because of beautiful people like Peggy Swan that gives men like myself a platform to tell our side of the story in hope that someone would just take the time to stop and listen. I often ask myself who's gonna cry for this little boy, I guess I'll have to cry for myself.
I'll be writing on my blog every week if I'm able telling you about the many experiences including when guards sexually assaulted me with a shampoo bottle while in a C.C.A. prison in 1998 when sent to whiteville Corr. Inst. Because of over crowded prisons here in Wisconsin.
So tune in in the next few weeks. If you would like to get in touch with me personally you may contact me at:
Bernell Selders Jr. #107622,
P.O. Box 4000,
New Lisbon, Wise. 53950
I'm looking for someone that is willing to help me get my case back into court to prove my innocence. God Bless You.
Bernell Selders Jr.